As this past summer started to wind down, I got ready to ramp up my activity on the blog. I had all kinds of ideas about what I wanted to share and questions I wanted to pose to those that were following along.
I started with a few posts about the Preteen Leaders Conference, and then I felt a strong urge to stop writing. I thought it was just because I was too busy to write, but I can see that there were more reasons than that.
As I look back over the last two months, here are a few reasons why I stopped writing:
Confusion of Purpose
I have always loved to write, and I originally started blogging to share ideas and experiences in preteen ministry. After a while, I felt my focus drifting into other areas that might attract other readers or more interest in my writing. Pretty soon, I felt way out of my element and felt like I was only writing to gain an audience. I just didn’t feel motivated to keep doing it.
Life was Out-of-Whack
Have you ever reached a point in life when you just felt out of control? I’m not talking about the times when you get angry or excited and do something crazy. I mean the feeling like everything else is dictating your life and you have no control. You’re just along for the ride. That is how I was feeling. I don’t know that I would call it depression, but I certainly felt like I was sinking in really big ocean.
This feeling paralyzed me to some degree. I was late on work deadlines—and still not where I need to be. I was procrastinating—even more than is typical of me. I just felt overwhelmed, and the thought of trying to write helpful words for others seemed ridiculous. Life was just out-of-whack!
Without a clear purpose for writing and without a set of priorities in life, I felt overwhelmingly insecure. I felt like a pubescent preteen boy trying to sing in the children’s choir. Everyone else is singing high notes and his voice is screeching and cracking off-key. It’s embarrassing and it’s really hard to listen to!
I felt like anything I wrote would be in the same category—embarrassing and hard to listen to. I felt like I was too far out of my range to really be effective and even bearable. This may or may not have been true, but I chose to stop writing because I felt very insecure about what I had to say.
So, why share this now?
Well, being honest about the past few months felt like the best way to get back on the bike and ride again. I want to post things that are helpful to others in ministry, specifically with preteens. I also want to provide a place for others to share their experiences and be a hub of creative ideas on reaching preteens/middle schoolers with the Gospel.